Motherhood and Identity: Finding Yourself in the Chaos

efore I became a mom, I had a strong sense of who I was. I had passions, goals, and dreams that were mine alone. Then, I had a baby, and suddenly, my whole world shifted. My identity, my priorities, my time—everything became about this tiny, beautiful human who depended on me for everything. And while that love is the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes wonder… Where did I go?

Motherhood changes us in ways we never expect. But one thing I’ve learned is that becoming a mom doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means evolving.

Who Was I Before Motherhood?

I think back to the person I was before my baby. She had more free time, sure. She had different priorities. But she also had dreams that didn’t just disappear the moment she became a mother.

It’s so easy to put ourselves last. To pour every ounce of energy into our kids while neglecting the things that used to make us feel whole. But the truth is, we are still here. We are still us. We’re just different now—stronger, wiser, more patient (most days), and carrying a love we never knew was possible.

Rediscovering Myself as a Mom

I’ve realized that I don’t have to choose between being a good mom and being me. I can be both. I am both. And finding ways to honor my own identity doesn’t take away from my child—it adds to the life I’m building for us.

Here’s what’s helped me reconnect with myself:

1. Making Time for My Passions

Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, I try to do something that’s just for me—writing, reading, dreaming about new goals. It’s a reminder that I am more than “just” a mom.

2. Letting Go of Guilt

Taking care of myself isn’t selfish. I’m a better mom when I take time to refill my own cup. My child deserves a mom who feels whole, not one who is constantly running on empty.

3. Remembering That Growth Is Beautiful

I’m not the same person I was before my baby, and I never will be. And you know what? I don’t want to be. Motherhood has changed me in the best ways. But I can still nurture the parts of myself that existed before while embracing the person I am now.

You Are Still You

If you’ve ever felt like you lost yourself in motherhood, just know—you are still there. Your dreams, your passions, your identity—it all still exists within you. Motherhood doesn’t erase who we are. It expands us, challenges us, and makes us see the world in a new way.

So don’t be afraid to take up space. To dream. To grow. To be a mom and a woman with her own identity.

Because you deserve it.

XO, Lili